reality, the Void

At lunch, my friends and I have the most interesting discussions. From the end of the world to World of Warcraft, we cover it all. We once even talked about how we would split up the world once our little group took over (I got Germany and New Zealand). But the thing is, there are usually quite a few discussions going on at once, and topics change constantly.
But today was different. It seemed normal, but our topic never strayed, though it sometimes seemed to cover different things, that one might normally expect to find under the same topic. Science, politics, religion. Souls, destiny, eternity, existence, being, beleifs. While most were having fun and making jokes (I do not believe in beliefs, only believing!), I couldn't help but take it a bit more seriously. I knew what we were really talking about, not just space and gods and evolution, but reality. Tori says we do not exist, only the creator(s) (whoever that may be) exist. Animals do not have souls, atheists aren't real because God doesn't believe in atheists. Time is never ending, yet insubstantial, and space the same. Though my companions were light-hearted and sometimes argumentative, I couldn't help but feel troubled. I still do. All this talk of endless space and time and souls, inconceivable to the human mind, was, and is, disturbing to me. I don't like the idea of endless space, or non-existant time and souls. I was so bombarded with the ideas and opinions of others, which Lisa pointed out they are very well entilted to have, I felt I no longer had an opinion of my own, that it was lost and intermingled among others. I feel confused, just thinking about it, and I think I know why.
When we look for something more, whether it be through religion, science, or lack of either two, I feel we are pushing beyond the boundaries of human capabilities. That we are perhaps searching for something that isn't even there, looking for something either too much or too little to understand. Our theories-they are just that. They have no substance, and we are looking for something that most likely isn't there. Probing a void for light and knowledge, seeking for answers in nothingness.
I don't believe that there is nothing but a void outside our known world, as I use the term loosely. I simply believe that we are not meant to understand what is or is not out there, that something bad or unexpected or dissapointing will happen when we do. But when I try to think of Heaven or Hell, or or what lies beyond the ever expanding galaxies, I can only think of a Void, of never-ending empty space, and that is what scares me most of all. I do not want to know the answers, or at least I tell myself that. Deep down inside, I really want to know, but the very idea of knowing, it is so disturbing, so frightening, that I shy away. I sometimes find myself wondering, but I shrink back, and I find I must lose myself so completely in something, something that doesn't need or have answers, that I forget about the Void, in the universe, in my knowledge. For that is what I believe it is. A void, that is everywhere we look, and I find lately that the older I get, the more I find myself cowering at the edge of my thoughts about it, and I throw myself with renewed energy into worlds that don't exist, worlds where I don't have to think about anything, not even the Void. Especially not the Void.
The Void. That's all I believe in now, I have decided. The Void is the only thing that is present in every religion, every scientific theory and philosiphy. I was raised as both a Catholic and a Baptist, and as I approached the year of my Confirmation, I became afraid and tried to be atheist for a few months, and failed. But I now realize that the year leading up to my Confirmation, the year I felt afraid of something I couldn't name, was the year I first started thinking about the Void, how it seemed science and religion conflicted so much, and the Void separated them, but I think that it's the other way around. The Void is what they have in common, and it is the Void that I am afraid of.
There is one time where, in trying to escape from it, I accidentally ran accross the Void. In the fourth paragraph of The Silmarillion, the Void is mentioned, but it does not seem quite so mysteriously malevolent.

"Then the voices of the Ainur, like unto harps and lutes, and pipes and trumpets, and viols and organs, and like unto countless choirs singing with words, began to fashion the theme of Ilúvatar to a great music; and a sound arose of endless interchanging melodies woven in harmony that passed beyond hearing into the depths and into the heights, and the places of the dwelling of Ilúvatar were filled to overflowing, and the music and the echo of the music went out into the Void, and it was not void. Never since have the Ainur made any music like to this music, though it has been said that a greater still shall be made before Ilúvatar by the choirs of the Ainur and the Children of Ilúvatar after the end of days. Then the themes of Ilúvatar shall be played aright, and take Being in the moment of their utterance, for all shall then understand fully his intent in their part, and each shall know the comprehension of each, and Ilúvatar shall give to their thoughts the secret fire, being well pleased." -- The Silmarillion

The Void is mentioned again later, how Ilúvatar sent those of the Ainur who would go out into the Void, where they would shape the world that their music had make. When they did this they created Beleriand, the soon-to-be Middle Earth, and when the Elves, the first-born arrived, they were called the Valar, the Angelic powers. This is the basic story of creation, retold with a fantasy theme, but it is the first one that mentions the Void.
And no matter what you believe in, whether it be God, or science, or Allah, or anything else, I think deep down inside we are all linked by the Void. Our souls, our very being, our existence, or lack-thereof.
I am afraid of the Void, but it is the only thing that I am certain of. The Void is what is empty in our knowledge, and we are not ment to try fill the Void, or seek out what lies in it. There is nothing in a void. Nothing, only reality.

Ring Con, here I come!

Well, last night my mom got home from a "business" trip in Denver (where she got quite a few beautiful pictures). I put business in quotations simply because I don't know if a really really big Pampered Chef meeting counts as a business trip, but, that's waay beside the point. The point is, when she got back she had a few presents for the family. Sweets! My dad got a shot glass and some hot sauce, and my train-loving nephew a train whistle and beaded belt (his pants are always too big, no matter what size). Me, on the other hand, was at first handed a geode. Which is really cool, 'cause I love rocks and crystals, and a geode is both in one, and I don't have any geodes in my collection. But, just as I was about to rush off to find a hammer to break open my geode with, out from her suitcase my mom pulls out this gorgeous(!!!!!!) dress! And I mean beautiful! I don't think I can describe it adequately. At first, I thought it was for her, but then I realized that it was at least a size too small for her, so I tried it on (very happily!) and had a few pics taken.

Isn't it amazing! I'm perfectly ready for the next Ring Con! Well... almost. I noticed that there's a few adjustments to be made first, tough I'm not sure My mom will take to it kindly.
First off, as seen to the right side the sleeves are a little too loose, especially around the shoulder, for my liking, but that can be easily fixed (without waiting for the sewing machine!). I think that I will very carefully detach them from the dress, make them a bit smaller up top, where they're really too wide for my arm, then attatch them to an under shirt or dress. I would prefer a dress, but I may well just attatch them to a sleeveless shirt I already have that matches the dress perfectly. This way, I'll also be able to switch out the under shirt/dress with another one that has white sleeves, my own variation of Eowyn's sheildmaiden gown, one dress off my wish list!
I also want to adjust the ropes on the sleeves. Currently, they allow you to sinch up the petals on the sleeves, not a good look! What I want to do is make them run around my arm just below the elbow, which I think would look much nicer!

But, other than those two adjustments, the dress is perfect! I'm so ready for the next Ring Con!

A Withered Rose

I am but a withered rose;
I cannot love again.
The colour faded, washed away
by tears and falling rain

My heart has beat, incessantly
counting out the years.
The blood still flows so needlessly,
and drips like flowing tears.

I've tried to love you from afar;
but you don't seem to see
how much it hurts to watch you pass
and pay my love no heed.

The edges brown, and curl away;
the blossom hangs her head.
The sun is gone, and so my love.
The rose, once fair, is dead.

I think this poem is a dead giveaway that I'm a hormone-strewn teenager... ah well!

Snow Day and Cram!

So... I woke up this morning. Got ready for school. My ride didn't pick me up, so I asked my dad for a lift. When we got there: empty. Simple as that. So now I'm stuck here at home all day long with nothing to look forward to for today, not even play practice! But I do have to admit, it is pretty nice! I can just relax here at home without having to worry about my score on my math test I took yesterday.... So nice!

Well, since I have almost nothing better to do today, I think I might as well make some cram. So what is cram? Well, for all of you non-geeky over obsessive Hobbit/Lord of the Rings fans: a traveling food. Made by the men of Dale, and given to Bilbo and the 12 dwarves he traveled with while they were in Lake-Town. Here's what we (I) know about cram from the book itself:

'...it is biscuitish, keeps good indefinitely, is supposed to be sustaining, and is certainly not entertaining, being in fact very uninteresting except as a chewing exercise. It was made by the Lake-men for long journeys.'

And, in HOME (History of Middle-Earth) V, cram is defined as a 'cake of compressed flour or meal (often containing honey and milk) used on long journeys'.
So there we have it. It sounds like what they made was a very hard, biscuit like thing, that would keep almost indefinitely, and was flavored with milk and honey. It almost sounds like hard-tack, except that almost all hard-tack recipes call for a mixture of flour, salt, and water. No honey, no milk. But, after some long hard searching, I found something that just might work. It's called Swedish Hard-tack, and after looking at the ingredients, I decided that this is the closest we'll ever get to the real thing.

Swedish Hardtack/Cram

* 1 cup water
* 3 tbsp. vegetable oil
* 3 tbsp honey
* 3 cups rye flour (or 1 1/2 cups rye & 1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour)
* 1/4 tsp. salt

Mix liquids together. In a separate bowl, mix dry ingredients. Combine the mixtures, stirring to moisten throughout. Form a ball. On a floured surface, flatten the dough, and roll out thinly. Cut into squares and prick each cracker with the tines of a fork a couple of times. Transfer to lightly greased baking sheets. Bake at 425° F for around 8 minutes, checking to be sure not to over-brown.

Lovely Lavender

I love lavender! It smells so beautiful, and not only the flowers, either! The leaves on the lavender have their own unique scent, similar to and just as lovely as the buds. At home I grow my own lavender, and often cut some which I use fresh, or hang up to dry for future use. In these cold winter months, I often find myself making excuses to pull some out and make something, so I decided to post some of my favorite crafts and recipes that use lavender, that I have found all over the web.

~Lavender Mint Tea~
This calming tea is complemented nicely with mint, and is sure to relax.
2 teaspoons dried lavender buds
8 teaspoons dried mint
900 mL water
Boil the water. Combine the lavender and mint into a tea pot and pour boiling water onto organic herbs. Leave to brew for 3 - 5 minutes. Strain and serve.
~*~
~Lavender Ink~
This ink will give a delicate, intangible fragrance, which will waft out mysteriously when the letter is opened.
1/2 oz. dried lavender buds
6 tablespoons water
small bottle of ink
Crush the lavender and put in a saucepan with the water. Bring to a boil and simmer for 30 minutes, or until there is only 2 tablespoons of brown, opaque liquid left. Stir into ink.
~*~
~Lavender Honey~
Yum!
8oz Light Honey (such as clover honey)
4 tablespoons of Dried Lavender buds
Heat honey in double boiler till fully heated, add lavender and stir. Continue over heat for 30 minutes. Remove from heat and allow to partially cool. Place in sun for 3 hours (optional). Strain out lavender. Put honey in jar.
~*~
~Lavender Perfume~
A delicately fragrant perfume, that I love so much!
1 cup distilled water
1 cup fresh chopped flowers
Line a bowl with cheesecloth and fill it with one cup of any flower blossoms you like such as lavender, lilac, orange blossoms or honeysuckle. Now, pour water over the blossoms until they are completely under water. Cover it and let it remain overnight and the following day, pull it out of the bowl, using the edges of the cheesecloth. Squeeze out the scented water into a small pot while allowing the water to simmer until one teaspoon remains. Cool and pour into a small bottle and you will see that it lasts a month.
~*~
~Lavender Dream Pillows~
1 oz (25g) lavender flowers
4 bay leaves, crumbles
1/2 oz (15g) lemon thyme
1/2 oz (15g) sweet marjoram
2 tbsp rosemary
1 tbsp crushed cinnamon
1 tbsp orris root powder
Combine ingredients, and put in sachet bags.
~*~

Well, those are my favorites, but I have many more to come!

Lord of the Rings costume Wish List.

So lets just say that I have a little obsession. Okay, well, a big obsession. A very big obsession. I am totally and completely in love with everything Lord of the Rings. And the movie costumes? Gorgeous. So I have taken it upon myself to recreate my favorite costumes from said motion picture trilogy. As soon as I learn how to sew. Okay, I admit, I already made one, but I made it with two curtain panels and fabric glue, and it recently fell apart. So, as soon as I fix or replace my broken sewing machine, and learn how to use it, I will re-make it. But until then, I guess a wish list will have to do.

1. Arwen's Requiem Gown. Probably my all time favorite, I love the colors of this dress, and the (varied) style of the sleeves. It's true, the sleeves are adjusted in a few scenes of RotK to allow for easy access (never mind how wrong that sounds!), but I think that I prefer the trumpet sleeves.
2. Eowyn's Shield-maiden dress. Beautiful and simple, with absolutely elegant sleeves.
3. Eowyn's brown refugee coat. I don't know exactly what it is I like about the coat, but I do have to admit that the shield-maiden dress wouldn't be entirely complete without it.
4. Arwen's coronation dress and crown. The crown may be out of my skill to recreate, but it is gorgeous nonetheless. And the dress is my all time favorite color! I also really love the highly detailed embroidery on the upper sleeves-intricate, yes-but I think I can manage.
5. Arwen's Hope gown. Okay, I think this one ties for first with the Requiem. I love the leafy pattern, and the dark maroon velvet fabric looks oh-so luscious, like a plump, succulent pomegranate!

Well, that's only my top 5 favorites, in no particular order, to be completely honest. I think that the easiest to make will be either the Shield-maiden (including coat) or the Hope. All the other dresses consist of an under and over dress, and very big lower sleeves.
Photos of costumes in same order as above.

Happy New Year! Resolutions

So, the holiday season is over (and I got some nice pictures of it, too!), and the new year has begun over where I live.
I have quite a few resolutions this time around, all of which I plan to complete!


One of the many resolutions was to be a better blogger, so here I am trying to do my best. To help me in this, I borrowed PamperingBeki's 5 P's of blogging:

1. Post often. Blog readers like to see new content fairly often when they check in.
2. Pictures. There are a few rare successful blogs that are driven by words alone but for the most part pictures help tremendously. Many people view blog hopping like flipping through magazines. Which pages are you most likely to stop on? The ones with interesting pictures that grab your attention, not those with a lot of words.
3. Personality. Be genuine. Part of the appeal to blog readers is to get a peek into the life of the author. How personal you want to get depends, of course, on the focus of your blog and your intended audience.
4. Permutation. (Thank you dictionary.com.) It's great to have a specific topic that your blog is directed to, but the same ol' thing every day can get a bit boring. So keep it fresh by introducing new topics, jokes, tutorials, videos, etc. occasionally.
5. Participate. I was completely shocked to learn that on the whole, there is a blogging community! Get involved. Visit other blogs that interest you and leave comments. Share the link on your own blog. Participate in the community and you'll be more successful than you can imagine.

With the help of these 5 P's, I will hopefully be able to create a successful blog. I have decided that from here on out, I will not be afraid to write what I want, I will try to post at least once a week, and I am going to always carry with me a camera. The camera is not only for blogging, I must admit, but also because every time I see something beautiful that's worth taking a picture of, there's no camera to be found!
So, now that I know where to start... let's continue!

A big problem I have is staying organized, so that's a biggie on my list this year. I decided to start this particular goal with my resolutions themselves.

I decided that I am going to keep track of my resolution success in a log-a diary, so to speak. I found a cute little food-themed diary hiding out in one of my desk drawers, as well as a stack of brightly colored index cards.After picking a color-yellow, in fact-that I felt adequately encompassed my feelings for the new year, I wrote down all of resolutions for this year. Of course, what good is a list of resolutions, if you don't put it somewhere that you can see it everyday? With this problem in mind, I went on a hunt throughout the house, searching for a good place to put the card. But then I realized, the perfect place to put my resolutions would be in my resolution diary! So with scotch tape in hand I attached the index card to the inside cover of my journal, so that now whenever I open my journal to record my success (and maybe, just maybe, failures), my goals will be right there in front of me.One of my last (but most definitely not least) goals this year is to finally get my etsy shop up and running, but I just may have to wait a bit more for that to happen-thank you very much to hard times and an expired credit card. But until I do get my shop going, here are a few previews of what I have to offer: